When a partner, a family member a friend or someone you know has died you most likely will experience a range of emotions. There is a possibility that you may feel nothing at all. Everyone's reaction to grief is unique, and different people in a family may experience different emotions, even when they are mourning the loss of the same person. Please understand that this normal.
A lot of people are confused by some of the emotions they feel, which initially may include anger, shock, guilt and pain. Grief is the normal response to the loss of someone we love. These emotions over time can change to longing, loneliness and sadness. Please know that you are not alone in feeling these.
Take time just for you
As difficult as it may seem, it's important to take time to look after yourself. If you feel up to it, talk about how you are feeling with those closest to you. Often many of us are able to put on a brave face to people around us, except those we are very close to (especially if we have to return to work), but it helps if there are some people we can be totally honest with. Receiving support from family and friends at this time can be really helpful.
Often when you lose someone it's very easy to forget about looking after yourself. You might think that there are other things or other people that are more important than you.
After you've lost someone, skipping the odd meal because someone has come to see you or putting the kettle on for a coffee and then having to answer the phone or your hopes for an early night disappearing as you discover more paperwork to go through can often happen. If these things begin to take priority they can have a negative effect on your physical and mental health, especially now.
Remember:
Although you may not have an appetite right now, trying to eat regular, healthy meals can make a big difference to your sense of wellbeing. If you find it easier to eat when you have some company remember...It's ok to have a coffee and bite to eat when you have a visitor, they really won't mind.
It's ok to enjoy a relaxing soak in a hot bubble bath or take a long shower.
Getting enough sleep is really important. Perhaps establish a relaxation routine so that you can wind down and get to sleep easier. Have a lie in if you need one and start your day slightly later... It is ok.
Try and stay as active as you can, maybe take a stroll around the block and get some fresh air. This can do wonders for your energy levels and improve your state of mind.
In the beginning it all might seem impossible, but over time the slightly better days can begin to outnumber the bad days. This doesn't mean that you don't care, or you're forgetting about the person who has gone, only that you're beginning to remember them in a different way.
Sometimes you might be having a bad day, but this doesn't mean that you are going backwards. It's just one day... and tomorrow might be slightly easier. Admitting you need help and asking for it can be hard for many of us and for many different reasons, but there are people on hand if you need them.
If you find that you are struggling to cope and the days are not getting easier don't hesitate in contacting your GP. They can refer you to support services and there are other professional organisations who you can turn to.
Further Support
Most people find the help of family and friends is enough to support them through the experience of bereavement.
However, sometimes it can be helpful to talk with people who have gone through a similar experience or with someone who is trained in supporting people who are bereaved.
There are so many organisations that provide invaluable information and support to people affected by bereavement. Some serve a specific geographical area or people affected by a particular type of death.
Cruse Bereavement Care
0808 808 1677
Provides one-to-one and other support to the bereaved organised through local branches - find your local branch number on the website.
Young People's website: hopeagain.org.uk
Death of a baby or child and/or children affected by a death
Miscarriage Association
01924 200799
Originally founded by people who had experienced miscarriage it continues to provide support and encourage good care by professionals.
Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society (SANDS)
0808 164 3332
Welcomes calls from anyone affected by a stillbirth or a baby, family, friends or professionals including long after the event.
Child Bereavement UK
0800 028 8840 for the Information & Support Team
A charity that has a dual focus of training professionals who work with families and children affected by a death which also produces excellent resources that can be used by those who are bereaved. This includes families and professionals supporting children affected by the death of an adult or anyone affected by the death of a child.
Child Death Helpline
0800 282986
Helpline support for anyone affected by the death of a child, irrespective of the age of the child, the relationship or the length of time since the death.
Provided by Great Ormond Street and Royal Liverpool Children's Hospitals.
Winston's Wish
08088 020021
Gives support for those caring for children affected by the death of a parent or a sibling and to the children themselves.
TCF (formerly The Compassionate Friends)
0845 123 2304
Support by telephone, befriending and local groups for anyone affected by the death of a child.
Please note that this charity supports people irrespective of the age of the child at the time of death i.e. the child may have reached adulthood.
Childhood Bereavement Network
020 7843 6309
Although this organisation is mainly a professional network their website has a good search facility on its front page to allow you to find support services for children in your local area.
Way Foundation (Widowed And Young)
Provides a self help network across the UK to those who are bereaved through losing their partner/spouse when aged 50 or under, together with their children.
Way Up
info@way-up.co.uk
The organisation that has grown out of WAY (above) for people in their 50's and 60's
Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide
0300 111 5065 Lines are open 9am to 9pm every day
A self help organisation which exists to meet the needs of those bereaved by the suicide of a family member or anyone close to them.
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