"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
Love leaves a memory no one can steal." Unknown
Should you find yourself reading this because you are suddenly faced with the reality of living without someone you love – or are preparing for bereavement; my thoughts go out to you.
During this time of overwhelming emotion there is nothing anyone can say or do to comfort you or take your pain away. Life begins to be a constant battle, just to get through each day as best as you can. Some days are harder than others and one of the first big hurdles to get through, is planning the funeral service.
Making the necessary arrangements can feel like a daunting task especially as the period of time in which it needs to be done is relatively short. Each person involved will be dealing with their grief on a personal level but there is generally one thing that family and friends have in common – they all want a personal, fitting and unique service for their loved one. A ceremony that reflects the wishes and beliefs of the deceased and provides comfort for the loved ones left behind; feeling their presence once again through the words, music and emotion on the day. This is the one occasion when their life story is to be told, their memories honoured and their body put to rest. Even if you have family and friends supporting you, it can still seem like you are alone, and everything is down to you. You can feel overwhelmed by the responsibility.
So, how do you go about finding the right Celebrant?
The Funeral Director you approach when notifying them of a loved ones death will take on board your choice of service and will be able to assign you a Celebrant from their preferred list. However, the choice remains entirely yours. You have the right to select your own Celebrant to conduct the funeral service should you wish.
The beliefs and lifestyle of the deceased will play a large part when considering your choice. Did they have religious or spiritual beliefs? Were they agnostic?
Different types of Celebrants
Each type of Celebrant offers you the chance to honour your loved one’s memory and personal beliefs. The ceremony itself can be held in a location of your choice.
Independent or Civil Celebrants
Independent or Civil Celebrants do not have any professional affiliation to any church or humanist organisation which means they will lead the ceremony in accordance to your beliefs and wishes and those of the deceased and can include any content you wish.
As an Independent Celebrant with the Fellowship of Professional Celebrants I am able to conduct funeral services which are totally non-religious, or that include an element of religion or spirituality. I would be happy to help and advise you in choosing suitable content such as readings, hymns, prayers or blessings for the service.
Humanist Celebrants
Humanist Celebrants conduct life centred funerals; they do not believe in the afterlife or any religions. Hymns, bible quotes, the use of amen and crosses are not included in Humanist services. Humanists are qualified by the Humanist Society and will personalise the funeral ceremony to reflect the life of the deceased.
When looking for a Celebrant in your local area you could browse the internet for Funeral Celebrants or check out directories, including https://professionalcelebrants.org.uk/find-a-celebrant/
Perhaps you have been to a funeral led by a Celebrant whose style you liked, or you could ask friends for a recommendation.
Alternatively, the Funeral Director who is arranging the service will be able to recommend a Celebrant. If you would prefer to have a few options to choose from, ask them to give you two or three names.
When choosing a Celebrant I would suggest you take time to review their profiles and speak with them. If time allows, maybe even arrange an appointment for them to come to your house (or video call) to meet with you. This will give you the opportunity to talk in the comfort of your own home and learn about their style and way of working; what they are able to offer you and your family and whether they would be suitable to create and deliver the ceremony in the way you would like.
They should spend as much time as needed with you prior to the service, build a relationship with your family and listen to your wishes. By hearing your stories, your memories and the significance of your grief, they should gain a true sense of the person who has died, work alongside you and with the upmost care, compose a unique and truly uplifting service; reflecting the true character & nature of the person who has died and celebrating the life which has been lived.
Your chosen Funeral Celebrant should be there to support and guide you throughout the planning and on the day itself, working with you to honour the memory of your loved one.
Some points to consider when choosing your Celebrant:
Will they meet with you in person?
Ask how they work.
How do they make you feel?
Do they make you feel heard and seen?
Have they listened to your wishes?
Will you see their script beforehand?
Will you be able to change your mind about elements of the service?
Do you like them?
Do you 'click' with them?
Review their credibility.
What are their qualifications?
What do their reviews say about them?
If you are not using a Funeral Director, you may also be interested in what additional services they offer: Will they help source the right music? Do they advise on design and production of order of service sheets? Will they help source ritual props? Can they advise on ceremony venues?
Family Participation
You may wish for family, friends or colleagues to participate in the service by means of spoken tributes, readings or live music. As an Independent Celebrant with the Fellowship of Professional Celebrants I would welcome and encourage all those who wish to take part to do so in a way which has significance for them and for all those present.
On the day of the ceremony, many people are just too emotional to be able to stand up and speak. I will agree to step in and support them, either by offering a gentle guiding hand or by taking over if they feel unable to continue as planned.
Symbolic Elements
Symbolic elements which are meaningful to you and inclusive to all those present such as a candle lighting ceremony, placing single flowers on the coffin during a reflective piece of music or as you leave the chapel, or releasing balloons outside of the chapel directly after the service are all elements that I would be happy to suggest if appropriate and fitting for the venue.
Where can a funeral take place?
Funeral services normally take place at a crematorium, cemetery or natural burial ground. However, either prior to or following a cremation or burial, it is possible to have the ceremony itself in a more unusual or intimate location.
For example, a football club or social club, in your own home, favourite beauty spot or even in a care home, if the deceased has been a resident; allowing other residents to be present who may otherwise not have been able to attend another venue such as a crematorium.
"Never say goodbye
because saying goodbye means going away
and going away means forgetting" Peter Pan
Many families feel that the Funeral Ceremony is the last thing they can do for their loved one and they want to do the best they can to honour them and show that their loss is significant to those left behind.
If you would prefer something more personal and meaningful than a traditional service, then together we can create a beautiful and fitting funeral ceremony for your loved one.
Please get in touch.
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