The words you speak to each other on your wedding day are without doubt the most important and meaningful part of the Wedding Ceremony.
They are personal pledges you make to one another and will stay with you both for the rest of your lives. The more thought you put into your vows, the more meaning they will have.
When you hit a bump in the road on your journey through life together you'll remember the promises you made on your wedding day and together they will show you a way to a smoother road ahead.
Things to consider when writing your Wedding Vows
They should come from the heart
The thought of composing your own wedding vows can be extremely daunting so the first thing to remember is that your words should come from the heart. Remember, you are speaking to the person with whom you've chosen to spend the rest of your life with. The vows you are making are only for you and your partner, despite the presence of your family and friends, they need to be as individual and unique as you are and symbolise your love as a couple.
Not everyone is good with putting things into words and you don’t have to be to write your own vows; you just need to think about what promises you really want to make. Don't make a promise about something that doesn't feel quite right or that you're not quite sure about.
It's understandable that putting all your thoughts, feelings, memories and hopes for the future into just a few lines can seem like a daunting prospect. Worries about how you are going to remember it all and say it without making a mistake on the day in front of your family and friends can keep you awake at night!
Please don’t be put off for one moment by doubts about whether you’ll be any good at writing or saying them...It will mean the world to your partner if you write your own personal wedding vows which express your love for your fiancé in your own way. It’s important to keep in mind that of course, it's that one moment during your wedding day when all eyes are on you, but you, will be purely focused on your partner.
If you feel overwhelmed, I would be happy to support and assist you through the process, so don't be afraid to ask for some advice. Remember, I have met you both, read through your answers on your Couple Questionnaires and will have a good understanding of you both, as individuals, how you feel about each other and see your future together and how you would like your Wedding Ceremony to take form.
Finding inspiration
While traditional wedding vows are usually very rigid in their structure, you don’t have to be quite as strict when writing your own. However, they do need to be written in a way that flows seamlessly.
You can gain inspiration from many sources when thinking about how you want to express your love for one another:
Lyrics
Music is known to evoke powerful memories, so think about which songs are important to you as a couple - songs which may have been playing during key moments in your relationship—they don't have to be love songs, just meaningful to you both. Consider the lyrics and whether you could incorporate them in your vows by quoting a line or two and explaining the significance of them. Choose something that resonates with your relationship or fits with your wedding style.
Use movie (or television) quotes
Are you both a fan of romantic movies? Do you have a favourite movie quote that sums up your relationship or is meaningful to you as a couple? You could incorporate this into your vows or quote a line from your favourite television show.
Use literature
Do either of you love poetry or reading? Consider quoting a few lines from your favourite love poem or a passage from your favourite novel that your partner will understand. Don't discount children's books or media when looking for ideas as they often have a way of communicating deep, complex emotions in simple sentences.
Use humour
Telling a funny story from your relationship, perhaps about how you met, may be a good way to start. Please, don’t embarrass your partner though so if you are unsure whether they want you to share a certain story, ask them first.
Get the balance right
Decide with your fiancé whether you would like the same vows or whether you would like to write your own. In order to to achieve an even balance on the day, it's a good idea to agree on the length your vows will be when you're writing them. You don’t want one of you to feel bad if the other has written a novel!
Many couples consider their vows to be a gift to one another, and agree not to share them ahead of time. This makes the .ceremony all the more impactful and emotional if you're hearing your fiancé's vows for the first time. Discuss with your partner which you would prefer so you are both in agreement.
You also need to agree on the following:
Will you share inside jokes or would you rather keep things more generic?
Will your vows be humorous or sentimental? Or a mixture of both?
Will you incorporate elements of traditional or religious vows into your own?
Let's get writing!
Don't wait until the last minute! Plan to have your vows written 3 weeks before your wedding. Trust me: You'll be thankful for the rehearsal when those wedding-day nerves kick in!
You may have already filled out my Couple Questionnaires. These are a great place to get started as you will have answered so many story telling questions already. Read through your answers and make a list of all the thoughts that come to mind when thinking about your fiancé or forthcoming marriage. You can use these notes later and highlight your favourite ones when thinking about the starting points for your vows.
Creating the first draft
Now you have some ideas for content, it’s time to create a draft by putting your ideas together.
Perhaps think about mapping it out as follows:
Don't try to include everything. It's understandable to want to fit everything you're feeling into your vows—but in reality, you just can't include it all.
Affirm your love - Say "I love you."
It's amazing how many couples omit those three little words in their vows!
Share special memories - Share a short story
A special story that shows family and friends how and why you love and value your partner will make your vows really interesting for your guests. It can be something simple that shows an admirable trait of their character or perhaps the story of how you met and knew they were the one.
Look to the future together - I promise to stand by your side
This is similar to the “in sickness and in health” and “til death do us part” of the more traditional religious wedding vows. You could touch on how your wedding day is just the first step on the beginning of an exciting journey that you can’t wait to go on with your partner. Phrases like “I will love you unconditionally for the rest of my life”, “I promise to stand by your side”, “I can’t wait to make a life together” and “I can’t wait to grow old with you” work well here.
Praise your partner - mention the things that you love about them
Examples for this section could include:
"One of my favourite things about you is that you don't realise just how amazing you are."
"You make me a full person. Committing the rest of my life to you is actually pretty easy because without you I am nothing."
Make your promises - The Main Focus
The promises are the most important part!
A good tip: include promises that are broad in scope. As well as the promise to love your partner from this day forward and a promise to always support them, include ones which are very specific and unique to the two of you, such as "I promise to say I love you every night before bed." and "I promise to always get rid of wasps for you because I know how much you’re afraid of them!"
You may want to come up with a list that begins with “I promise to always…” followed by the sentiment.
You can then follow this with a list that starts “I promise to never”…
Examples for this section could include:
“I promise to be patient and forgiving”
“I promise to encourage you”
“I promise to support and respect you”
Extend your vows to include family and friends - acknowledge their important part
The best personalised wedding vows acknowledge that it’s not just about you and your partner on your wedding day, it takes a lot more people to make a marriage a success. Mentioning that you’ll rely on the love, help and support of your nearest and dearest is a beautiful way to make your guests feel included in what can otherwise be a very personal moment between the two of you.
If you already have children or are going to become a step-parent through this union, you may like to include your hopes and aspirations for your future as a family and re-assure the child(ren), of your new role in one another's life.
Close with a final vow - a closing statement
You did it! You’re almost at the end of your promises to your partner. All you need now is to add a short and sweet closing statement!
Examples for this section could include:
“Loving you is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I can’t wait to spend
the rest of my life with you.”
"You have my heart and soul today and forever"
Consider the timings
Once you have your first draft written, time yourself reading them aloud. Ideally, your vows should take 1 or 2 minutes to say, but it's entirely up to you as a couple. A 2 minute vow reading is usually enough time to express your love to your partner and have your guests who are listening to your beautiful sentiments, get their tissues out!
Should you find that your vows are taking longer than 2 minutes but you can't decide what you should leave out, perhaps put some of your more personal thoughts in a letter for your fiancé to read on the morning of your wedding?
Practice reading your vows out loud.
The only way to make sure everything sounds perfect is to read your wedding vows aloud. When you read, keep to a steady conversational pace and remember to add pauses at key moments. This will help you spot where the grammar may need tweaking or where a word has been missed out. By reading aloud you will also to see whether the content and structure flows easily.
A top tip is to ask a trusted friend to listen to you reading your vows before the day. They will be able to give you any constructive criticism they feel is necessary and advise you on whether your content is suitable and expresses your feelings adequately.
Make A Fresh Copy For The Ceremony
The paper you read from should be legible, so even if you’re working on it right up until a few moments before your ceremony, use a fresh piece of paper without any adjustments or notes on for the ceremony itself. You may wish to consider writing them in vow books as they will inevitably be featured in photographs of your wedding day and presentation is key.
Good Luck!
Remember, I am always here to support you through writing your wedding vows, so just pop a message over to me if you get stuck... I'll be happy to help!
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